I usually turn to CNN.com for my news. I also check out news.google.com but most of the time I just head straight for CNN. I always get extra excited when the page loads and I see that red bar at the top signifying some kind of breaking news that is always of significant importance over the news stories that follow below on the page ("Which fall TV shows are doomed? We predict, you decide").

As most people know today is election day. Currently while I'm writing this the Democrats have a pretty healthy lead in the House and its looking pretty even in the Senate. Anyway when I opened up the CNN page, I saw a red bar staring me in the face and before even reading it I was tickled with excitement. Voter fraud revealed? Bombings at voting booths? Assassination?

No. (you might need to click the picture to enlarge it to read what's in the red bar)



Britney Spears......and Keven Federline.....known affectionately as K-Fed.......are getting divorced. Well stop the presses! Stop the election! Stop the world from rotating! If this isn't breaking news, I just don't know what is. The normal person would think, "Gee, shouldn't the red bar breaking news be reserved for news that might have any relevance to more than 2 people's lives? Like floods or something?" but that person is wrong. This is news that pertains to the election.

Everyone knows that Kevin and Britney were America's sweethearts. Their love for each other, documented on MTV's legendary Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, was something that we all experienced and said "Well, if they can experience it, maybe true love is real. But then again, they're gods, and I'm not. So I will probably never find it and I'll just live vicariously through them." No one ever denied the "built-to-last" character of their relationship. No one ever questioned Britney's parenting skills. Nor did they ever question Kevin's blooming rap career (XXL Magazine Chief Editor Elliot Wilson was obviously kidding when he said 'he's a joke, basically,' in reference to the Fedster.) So how are we supposed to vote now? We're all down-trodden. Luckily a lot of us made it through already before this horrible news was announced. I propose we push back the election a week so that the rest of America can collect it's bearings and participate in the democratic process. But that probably won't happen.

We've had our hearts broken before, we can get through it again. Hopefully this news isn't so devastating that those of you who still haven't made it to the polls (it's 11 PM on the east coast, get there!) will be able to do so in a safe, yet somber, fashion.

Luckily, K-Fed is not only a professional rapper, but also a professional inseminator, so I'm sure he will be able to produce more K-Fed-Jr's in no time. No time at all.